Before you roll your eyes, I earned this ring, and not in a conventional way. I didn’t have to force a proposal or anything like that. No, I had to win my fiancé from the evil Capitán Francés. No joke, I had to win him back. […] I go downstairs and taped to the door is a note […] “Ah-ha it is I Capitán Francés who’ve kidnapped your boyfriend and am preparing to invade England from France. But I am a man of honor so I will give you clues and you can win him back.” […]

She captures me in her hula-hoop, spins me around, and the Capitán jumps out of the bushes with a baguette and begins to hit me with it. Things aren’t looking too good, but then Jim “The Impossible Man” Priz jumps out of the bushes himself and
proceeds to capture the mime in her own prison […] and tells me, “Okay, go save Scott.”

So I climb down this muddy path, climb over a wrought iron fence to this causeway and there’s my fiancé with his hands behind his back. I help him untie his knots and he gets down on one knee and asked me if I wanted to tie the knot… I said yes.

This belongs in the Museum of Happy Marriages

Exhibited by Elisa Schoenberger

Transcript edited by Sarah Crawford